People get a divorce because....

When someone finds out I am a divorce/family law attorney, the ONE most common question I get is: “What is the number one reason people get a divorce?” Typically, the person asking the question answers it themselves. “What is the main reason people come to you for a divorce? Is it money?” I show interest, smile, think, and stare at the person for a few awkward seconds before I answer: “It’s a lot of reasons.”

There are a lot of reasons people divorce: money, lots of money or not enough, no longer in love, tired, in laws, stress, sickness, people change, family issues, religion, parenting decisions, affair(s), arguments outweigh the fun times, addictions, abuse, irritations, disagreements, and feeling that there is absolutely no hope or desire to keep the marriage.

There are a lot of reasons people stay married, even though they go through the above issues too: belief in marriage, the kids, know they are married to a good person — flaws and all, belief in family, money, depend on their spouse, know they are not perfect themselves, or that it’s not worth a divorce. We know plenty of couples that stay married even though they have the same issues in their marriage that cause people to get a divorce.

Now, substitute the word “diet” for marriage or divorce, and you can see we are in the same situation. People break a diet because….. People keep a diet because… Take any difficult discipline you can think of and substitute that word in too. It’s a fun game, try it!

Of course there’s those people you meet that tell you how amazing their marriage is, their life is great, and it’s roses all around. I’m not that person and I will tell you that I find EVERYTHING in life to be hard and require work. I enjoy life and I feel many great things daily, don’t get me wrong, but I think life is just weird. In that spirit, a while ago, I asked google: “Why is marriage so hard?” Google said: “Marriage is hard because life is hard.” Diets are hard because life is hard. Who wants to say no to French fries? Who wants to primarily eat healthy and exercise?

The thing is, discipline does not fail. Sure, have French fries here and there, but the reality is that to keep healthy, you have to live a healthy life. You can avoid the truth and blame everything else as to why you are not at the healthy state you want or feel entitled to, but the truth is you just haven’t applied yourself to the discipline of leading a healthy lifestyle. Don’t shoot the mesenger…

So, why do people get a divorce? They get a divorce because they are choosing not to be married any longer. Their reason can be justifiable or not, but they get to make that choice. There’s your answer. Done. Question answered. Til next time.