Divorce is like Paella....

At the end of one work day recently, I decided I wanted to make paella. Since Thanksgiving, I’ve been on a baking and cooking rampage.

I found a recipe that I could track and set about making paella. The recipe said it was 40 minutes of active work but 1 hour and 20 minutes total cook time.

So here I go with the paella. I did not have the right stove, went to buy smoked paprika, diced the chicken, purchased the mussels (debearded…what??), had the certain rice, bought the chorizo, and the list goes on. Layer upon layer upon layer I moved forward, not perfectly, but forward.

I kept at the recipe. While cooking I had a serious discussion with a family member. I kept cooking. Don’t overcook the chicken. Careful with the garlic, the saffron. Evenly cook the rice. Use enough liquid but not too much.

I kept going step by step. I’ve been cooking for years now so I know generally how to cook, which is why I was comfortable to try paella. It’s not a dish for new chefs. However, and even though I know how to cook, the final product still has the chance to not turn out well. There is always risk involved. What if I get distracted while cooking? What if my family member required more attention? What if I forgot a key ingredient? What if there was an emergency that pulled me away from the kitchen? What if any of my ingredients are not quality enough? Then what?

I am at the last stage of steaming the mussels and about 3 hours later viola: my paella looks like real paella. It tasted like paella too. Delicious. DONE.

As I made this dish I felt connected to my paella like how I am connected to my clients. I knew there would be an end but stayed the course looking after my client who was in the unknown. I could see the dish coming together and one day the client would too. DONE. Divorce has so many layers. There’s excitement that gets you to a marriage, an investment, kids, jobs, health, life, trust, effort, time, discipline, and energy. My trusting family could have ended up with a burnt bland paella. I could have been sold bad mussels that ruin my dish. I may have been well intentioned but the whole thing could have fallen apart. That’s just life. We can move forward with the best of intentions but things happen.

I also think it’s important to recognize that there were errors in the result. There was burnt rice. And how it took me more than twice as long vs what the recipe said? What if I could not afford all the proteins and special ingredients and tools I used? What if I paid top price for a paella pan but it wasn’t great, as advertised. What if I did not know the techniques required to make the dish? What if I wasn’t feeling well, or had to work late, or had kids to pick up? All these possible interferences in my paella making….

Divorce is the same way. There are layers and there are errors along the way. Life is moving. Judges, lawyers, experts, everyone really is trying, dare I say even the ones where I wonder at times. You have to look at the whole picture. In the grand scheme of life of things that could happen, do the minor errors take over the whole matter or can it be seen as minor? What if I stopped after I sauteed the onions, gave up, and let the ingredients go bad? I could have, and not only would I have to deal with that result but my household would get impacted too.

See how layered this paella really is? The results are endless but there is an end, have peace with it and move forward.